While I admit that I haven't been using the message boards very much at all during our quest, I find it pretty ridiculous all of the abbreviations that are used when it comes to talking about trying to have a baby and infertility...it makes it so intimidating if you are looking for answers - you have to learn a whole new language first! I am going to make every effort possible to NOT use the abbreviations such as...
Here is part of the helpful list I found on infertileground.com. I mean REALLY...(and I took out ones that seemed totally irrelevant at the moment)
A
Acu acupuncture
AF “Aunt Flo” / menstrual cycle
AFC antral follicle count
AH assisted hatching
AI artificial insemination
AMA advanced maternal age, American Medical Association
AO anovulation, anovulatory
ART assisted reproductive technology
ASA antisperm antibodies
B
BBT basal body temperature
BBs breasts - what if yours are AA's? or CC's? :)
BCP birth control pills
BD baby dance (get it?) - This one cracked me up - I mean...come on...
BFN big fat negative (pregnancy test) Sigh...this one seems very accurate in its tone.
BFP big fat positive (pregnancy test)
Blast blastocyst
BMI body mass indexB/W bloodwork
C
CBE Clear-Blue Easy (hpt brand) LOVE it - even in the abbreviation list, they use abbreviations...
CD cycle day
CM cervical mucus
CP cervical position
D
D&C dilation & curettage
DC dear child
DD dear daughter
DE donor egg
Dembie donor embryo
DH dear husband
DI donor insemination
DOR diminished ovarian reserve
DP dear partner
DPO days past ovulation
DPT days past transfer
DS donor sperm, dear son
DTD do (or did) the deed (get that one too?) Not much better than Baby Dance...
Dx diagnosis
E
E2 estradiol
EDD estimated due date
Embie embryo
EPO evening primrose oil
EPT Early Pregnancy Test (hpt brand)
ER egg retrieval
ET embryo transfer
EWCM eggwhite cervical mucus
F
FB Fertility Blend (proprietary vitamin-herbal blend)
FET frozen embryo transfer
FM fertility monitor
FMU first morning urine
FP follicular phase
FRER First Response Early Results (hpt)
FSH follicle stimulating hormone
G
GIFT gamete intrafallopian transfer
GnRH gonadotropin releasing hormone
H
HCG human chorionic gonadotropin
HPT home pregnancy test
HSG hysterosalpingogram
Hx history
I
IC Internet cheapie (generic home pregnancy test)
ICSI intracytoplasmic sperm injection
IF infertility
IM intramuscular
IUI intrauterine insemination
IVF in vitro fertilization
IVIg intravenous immunoglobulin
L
Lap laparoscopy
LH luteinizing hormone
LMP last menstrual period (start date)
LP luteal phase
LPD luteal phase defect
M
MF male factor
MFI male factor infertility
Morph morphology (sperm shape)
N
NP nurse practitioner, naturopath
O
O ovulation
OB/GYN obstetrician/gynecologist
OPK ovulation predictor kit
OR ovarian reserve, operating room
OTC over the counter
OHSS ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome
P
PCOS polycystic ovary syndrome
PCP primary care physician
PCT post-coital test
PG Pregnant
PGD preimplantation genetic diagnosis
PID pelvic inflammatory disease
PIO progesterone in oil (injection)
PMS premenstrual syndrome
PNV prenatal vitamin
POAS pee on a stick (the stick = an hpt)
POF premature ovarian failure
Preemie baby born prematurely
PUPO Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise
R
RE reproductive endocrinologist
S
SA semen analysis
SHG sonohysterogram
SMEP sperm meets egg plan I actually think this one is kind of cute.
SO significant other
SQ subcutaneous
Stims ovulation stimulation drugs
T
TCM traditional Chinese medicine
TCOYF Taking Charge of Your Fertility (popular book)
TL tubal ligation
TR tubal reversal / tubal ligation reversal
TTC trying to conceive Guilty - I know I've used this one...
TWW, 2ww two-week wait (between O and time to test for pregnancy) Possibly the worst part of the whole shebang.
Tx treatment
U
U/S Ultrasound
So let's say you are looking for an answer on one of these message boards...it took me 15 minutes just to decipher what the respondents were trying to say/what the question was talking about - and then you have to throw in a handful of salt, as little of it has been proofread by medical professionals.
So, I just wanted to say that I will be trying my best to make my blog readable by everyone - even if you haven't learned the secret language of infertility yet :) (Though now you've had a mini crash course!)
Monday, March 4, 2013
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Clomid tears
So last night, we were finally watching the Top Chef finale, and as soon as the live competition started, I teared up! Now, my husband is used to my propensity for shedding a tear during "sports moments," (overtime goals, amazing shots, last minute wins), but this was absolutely ridiculous. I mean, top chef tears? That is a new one.
Fast forward to this morning, and I was sitting on the couch, eating my cereal, thinking about the long list of things I had to do today for work and the house...more tears. And the crazy part is, I'm not even a cryer - I don't usually cry about much at all, about anything. I hate the way Clomid makes me feel.
As my mom said on the phone today, I sound blue. I think blue is color those little devil pills should be...to warn you about how you will feel on them. At least last night was the last one for this cycle - and most likely, ever, as I do not think it's worth it to go above and beyond the 3 medicated IUI cycles that the insurance requires before IVF, when it's not helping our chances much and makes me feel this miserable. Hopefully the next week will go quickly, as the side-effects seem to last until ovulation, and hopefully I don't have any "meeting tears" the next few days when I'm in charge...
Fast forward to this morning, and I was sitting on the couch, eating my cereal, thinking about the long list of things I had to do today for work and the house...more tears. And the crazy part is, I'm not even a cryer - I don't usually cry about much at all, about anything. I hate the way Clomid makes me feel.
As my mom said on the phone today, I sound blue. I think blue is color those little devil pills should be...to warn you about how you will feel on them. At least last night was the last one for this cycle - and most likely, ever, as I do not think it's worth it to go above and beyond the 3 medicated IUI cycles that the insurance requires before IVF, when it's not helping our chances much and makes me feel this miserable. Hopefully the next week will go quickly, as the side-effects seem to last until ovulation, and hopefully I don't have any "meeting tears" the next few days when I'm in charge...
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Fertile Myrtle, Preggy Peggy and the bunch
The sense that EVERY woman on Earth is pregnant and you are not is so not statistically true, but emotionally real. I'm sure Facebook and People.com are not helping with the deluge of pregnancy announcements, but between the media and, in some circles of my friends, every single other woman has a child (or many) or is pregnant, it can really become overwhelming. And then I feel like a horrible person - I should JUST be happy for her - she's my friend, and I love her and of course I want her to be able to have a baby. It's just that that emotion is happening at the exact same time as deep jealousy and woe for myself. Especially difficult to handle are the - we weren't even trying! And the we were told it would be really hard because I've been diagnosed with x specific problem, but then it just happened right away! And the - can you believe it? Both times on the first try! Stick knife in. Twist.
My therapist actually gave me an interesting piece of advice about pregnancy announcements - tell your friends to let you know they are expecting through email or snail-mail. This way you can receive the news in private. I think this is an excellent idea.
When a really close friend is pregnant, and you are going through infertility, you BOTH have really significant needs for support, and it seems really easy for the pregnant friend to just step in it with totally innocuous comments that are actually hurtful - like, "being pregnant is SO hard." Really? Yes - I'm sure it is really taxing - and I would do anything to feel that. And you should know that because we are really close friends and you've been in on our struggles the whole time.
But it's not really the friend's fault ... being pregnant does demand a greater level of friend support, and she has every right to ask for it - I'm just not sure how much I can give to her at this time. It's hard to hang out with pregnant women at the moment. I know they still care about me and want to be supportive, but I just really feel like a little distance is helping my sanity.
Equally difficult at times are the child-centered social events. Do I want to not be invited? NO - then I would just feel left out. But the events that revolve around the little ones are tricky on two levels. For one thing, there is the concrete reminder of what you do not have, and for the second, I feel like I really need my friends, as my friends and not while they're trying to multi-task with being a mommy. Is that totally selfish and self-centered? Probably. But it's the truth. One-on-one time with friends, or adult-only hang outs with friends and couples are really lifesavers when going through this, I've found.
My therapist actually gave me an interesting piece of advice about pregnancy announcements - tell your friends to let you know they are expecting through email or snail-mail. This way you can receive the news in private. I think this is an excellent idea.
When a really close friend is pregnant, and you are going through infertility, you BOTH have really significant needs for support, and it seems really easy for the pregnant friend to just step in it with totally innocuous comments that are actually hurtful - like, "being pregnant is SO hard." Really? Yes - I'm sure it is really taxing - and I would do anything to feel that. And you should know that because we are really close friends and you've been in on our struggles the whole time.
But it's not really the friend's fault ... being pregnant does demand a greater level of friend support, and she has every right to ask for it - I'm just not sure how much I can give to her at this time. It's hard to hang out with pregnant women at the moment. I know they still care about me and want to be supportive, but I just really feel like a little distance is helping my sanity.
Equally difficult at times are the child-centered social events. Do I want to not be invited? NO - then I would just feel left out. But the events that revolve around the little ones are tricky on two levels. For one thing, there is the concrete reminder of what you do not have, and for the second, I feel like I really need my friends, as my friends and not while they're trying to multi-task with being a mommy. Is that totally selfish and self-centered? Probably. But it's the truth. One-on-one time with friends, or adult-only hang outs with friends and couples are really lifesavers when going through this, I've found.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Bummer...again.
So, I was kind of hoping that since it wasn't the focus of February, it would just happen (because people SAY that when you stop trying, it will happen...). And, I was two days late (thanks to the time change in London and norovirus, most likely).
But no.
Once again, no such luck, which means back on the terrible Clomid this month. I suppose I haven't really explained all of the reasons I hate Clomid (not to scare anyone who is about to start it, but...this has been my experience):
The other reason I find it especially annoying to deal with the side-effects is that the whole Clomid-IUI treatment plan doesn't treat anything we have been diagnosed with (unexplained infertility is the most frustrating) - I have regular cycles and seem to ovulate, my husband's numbers are fantastic...so you're going through all these crappy side effects for only a 12% chance of success each month. At least with IVF, I'm told the chances for someone my age, are about 40% per cycle.
Well, at least I get to see my fantastic therapist tomorrow - she really has been amazing, and I highly recommend finding someone who specializes in infertility if you are at all thinking about talking with someone. Most weeks, we have little fertility-related to talk about specifically, but others, it is a great place to be able to get all of the emotions and frustrations out.
I have GREAT friends, but I was beginning to worry I was becoming a broken record - and I certainly don't want to be THAT friend. Plus, with everyone and their mother getting pregnant while I'm not, this isn't the easiest thing to talk about with all of my friends. The therapist has really been terrific - she understood my personality very quickly and has given me concrete things to try while validating my feelings. I don't know how anyone goes through this without a therapist.
Blech. The day you get your period really is the lowest day of the month - which means tomorrow must be better :)
But no.
Once again, no such luck, which means back on the terrible Clomid this month. I suppose I haven't really explained all of the reasons I hate Clomid (not to scare anyone who is about to start it, but...this has been my experience):
- hot flashes - mostly in the early morning when you wake up, but other times as well
- dizzy spells (always worst during lunch duty, it seems)
- acne - not that I have great skin to begin with - and this makes it much worse; I've invested in extra concealer
- bloating - because the weight gain from the depression associated with the infertility has not been enough
- worse IBS - it had actually gotten better in the past year, until I went on Clomid
- increased mood swings (husband loves that one)
- increased pain during ovulation
The other reason I find it especially annoying to deal with the side-effects is that the whole Clomid-IUI treatment plan doesn't treat anything we have been diagnosed with (unexplained infertility is the most frustrating) - I have regular cycles and seem to ovulate, my husband's numbers are fantastic...so you're going through all these crappy side effects for only a 12% chance of success each month. At least with IVF, I'm told the chances for someone my age, are about 40% per cycle.
Well, at least I get to see my fantastic therapist tomorrow - she really has been amazing, and I highly recommend finding someone who specializes in infertility if you are at all thinking about talking with someone. Most weeks, we have little fertility-related to talk about specifically, but others, it is a great place to be able to get all of the emotions and frustrations out.
I have GREAT friends, but I was beginning to worry I was becoming a broken record - and I certainly don't want to be THAT friend. Plus, with everyone and their mother getting pregnant while I'm not, this isn't the easiest thing to talk about with all of my friends. The therapist has really been terrific - she understood my personality very quickly and has given me concrete things to try while validating my feelings. I don't know how anyone goes through this without a therapist.
Blech. The day you get your period really is the lowest day of the month - which means tomorrow must be better :)
Monday, February 18, 2013
Travel = 1 perk of not being pregnant (and a good distraction)
So here we are in London! TTC is so life-engulfing that it even made us hesitant to book a vacation-what if we need to do an IUI then? What if I actually get pregnant and feel too awful to enjoy the trip?
February has become the month of fuck it. Business trip during "the window"? Go right ahead! A month off from Clomid? Thank you very much. Trip to London for a week? You bet!
This break has been so great, mentally and physically (sans Clomid). In my mind, the last Clomid/IUI cycle remaining is for insurance and will not work....I am trying to focus on getting everything else in my life on track between now and June, when we will start IVF.
So glad we took this trip!
February has become the month of fuck it. Business trip during "the window"? Go right ahead! A month off from Clomid? Thank you very much. Trip to London for a week? You bet!
This break has been so great, mentally and physically (sans Clomid). In my mind, the last Clomid/IUI cycle remaining is for insurance and will not work....I am trying to focus on getting everything else in my life on track between now and June, when we will start IVF.
So glad we took this trip!
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