Bummer...again.

So, I was kind of hoping that since it wasn't the focus of February, it would just happen (because people SAY that when you stop trying, it will happen...).  And, I was two days late (thanks to the time change in London and norovirus, most likely).

But no.
Once again, no such luck, which means back on the terrible Clomid this month.  I suppose I haven't really explained all of the reasons I hate Clomid (not to scare anyone who is about to start it, but...this has been my experience):

• hot flashes - mostly in the early morning when you wake up, but other times as well
• dizzy spells (always worst during lunch duty, it seems)
• acne - not that I have great skin to begin with - and this makes it much worse; I've invested in extra concealer
• bloating - because the weight gain from the depression associated with the infertility has not been enough
• worse IBS - it had actually gotten better in the past year, until I went on Clomid
• increased mood swings (husband loves that one)
• increased pain during ovulation

The side-effects generally seem to wind down after ovulation (even though you only take it from days 3-7).  And then - you get to start all over again.  VERY grateful I have, at most, only two cycles left on this drug.

The other reason I find it especially annoying to deal with the side-effects is that the whole Clomid-IUI treatment plan doesn't treat anything we have been diagnosed with (unexplained infertility is the most frustrating) - I have regular cycles and seem to ovulate, my husband's numbers are fantastic...so you're going through all these crappy side effects for only a 12% chance of success each month.  At least with IVF, I'm told the chances for someone my age, are about 40% per cycle.

Well, at least I get to see my fantastic therapist tomorrow - she really has been amazing, and I highly recommend finding someone who specializes in infertility if you are at all thinking about talking with someone.  Most weeks, we have little fertility-related to talk about specifically, but others, it is a great place to be able to get all of the emotions and frustrations out.

I have GREAT friends, but I was beginning to worry I was becoming a broken record - and I certainly don't want to be THAT friend.  Plus, with everyone and their mother getting pregnant while I'm not, this isn't the easiest thing to talk about with all of my friends.  The therapist has really been terrific - she understood my personality very quickly and has given me concrete things to try while validating my feelings. I don't know how anyone goes through this without a therapist.

Blech.  The day you get your period really is the lowest day of the month - which means tomorrow must be better :)